“Hey, just out of curiosity, are you gay?” Now, how do you find out if someone is gay without giving away your sexuality? It’s fairly simple: you just ask. They’re usually the most dedicated of the gender police, wanting to make sure everybody knows just how much they luuuuurve the pussy. Homophobes and other assholes who fear being mistaken for closet cases aren’t the ones who’re going to be willing to indulge in some flirty banter with another dude. Now that having been said, if you and this guy have been jokingly flirting back and forth, then I’m willing to bet that if he’s not gay, then he’s at least someone who isn’t going to freak out if you mention that maybe he’s kinda givin’ off the gay vibe a little. Unfortunately, this isn’t an ideal world and for many gay men and women, asking someone out can be a genuine risk to their personal safety I have several gay friends who live in areas where “gay panic” is still considered a viable legal defense for assault. In an ideal world, I’d tell you “just ask him out” and let the chips fall where they may. How could I find out? How can I ask without revealing my sexuality? We “jokingly” flirting and I’m not sure if he is serious or not. There is a guy who is attractive and as a gay person I find it difficult to tell if others are gay.